Cafe Hitch-hike
Diary
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Hallowed eve at the 3-for-1 place :
2022-11-01
What I secretly relish :
2022-10-29
What would these things be like? :
2022-10-24
At the jukejoint, on the edge of things as we know them :
2022-10-22
Politically expedient :
2022-10-18
credits
2022-10-17
7 x 77
I am getting very deep lessons in forgiveness. My Maestra Mira suggested this to me and it was probably the biggest lesson she has brought to me yet.
I wrote more of this at length in my paper journal. I think of Chief Joseph's surrender speech when he described the intense loss and struggles, not to mention the waste of his tribe member's lives.
Forgiveness is a form of surrender and also prayer.
Like with the chief's speech, I'm too tired to fight and it really was destructive on so many levels.
But, surrender doesn't mean I let a particular person walk all over my face. They can say and think what they will, and continue their occasional pettiness, but I will decisively draw a line and push back if they get straight in my face.
This also leads to hard acceptances about certain things and situations that are out of my control. Water is wet, rocks are hard, and that is just the way it is-- right now. Waterways go dry, rocks break and things change on their own time and not mine.
This is a fight I must lay to rest, on my end at least.
Forgiveness also opened doors that were not open in terms of a couple other lingering situations. It wasn't easy at all but realizations came to me that weren't there before. These were not easy ones to see and were startling and made me angry. I sat with these things and started to feel differently and less heavy. Of course the memory of thr original injury was there, but it looked and felt differently.
It is so true when they say the truth can set one free. But, getting to this point wasn't easy at all. There were things I needed to reach inside for the forgiveness to stick around longer.
I also have known for quite some time that forgiveness is like a muscle that needs to be flexed or it loses its strength. Not to impose a worldview, but someone was right when they said to forgive 7 x 77 times, meaning indefinitely. Sometimes we need to repeat a forgiveness to fully clear the issue and resolve the internal debt. I've rarely experienced forgiveness as a one and done deal, either with being forgiven or forgiving someone else.