Cafe Hitch-hike

2022-12-08

Strays, Spares and Weirdos for the Holiday

I'm doing a Texas Lite trip: 3 whole days after Christmas. A day and a half to spend with my mother and the same with my sister niece.

I'll still do that nice drive between Austin and Houston. I sure hope the towns hadn't gotten more sparse since I last did the drive in 2019 because they have going that way for quite some time.

I actually want to go there and especially to see my mother. My family and mother didn't get to spend any time together this year like we had for the previous 3 years, and we all felt it. Mom and I also wanted to drive down to the Rio Grande Valley for a visit, but she couldn't get the days off work.

Houston: I want to see my niece (if she decides she still wants attention from grown-ups, hahah). That's really about it. I don't really care about spending time with my sis Princ. I can safely assume she'll spend time on the opposite corner of the house and hide behind her cell phone. When she does emerge, it will be go eat at the local Mexican cantina. I'd sure love to smoke with her hubby if I have a chance; he's a cool guy and he's easy to talk to. Or, we'll have dinner with her in-laws who I quite like. One day is enough to say I went, I can see my niece, and then disappear before things get weird between me and my sis. I can also minimize my time if I find myself in the thick of family drama which ended up happening at my sis's house around Christmas 2019.

My neighbor Tex may be in Austin on the same day I will be. I'm not sure if we'll get to connect, but we can see.

I did but didn't want to spend a week in Texas. I kinda preferred to stay home on my break. It seemed like the more reasonable plan considering how things have been for quite some time.

Another reason I decided to stay away from my Texas family for the holidays: I hate being the stray or spare. As the years go by, I understand being a mostly-happy single female is strange for them and it seems to poke the hardest during the holidays. I don't want anyone to feel obligated to open their space for me because I'm unmarried and unattached, or get lectures or questions about my status. I simply want to spend time and enjoy others on a particular day and place, not reminded of what makes me a weirdo. That's why I'm having my Christmas/ Hannukah Day brunch. I'll be with others who don't ask those questions, and I'll be with other strays, spares and weirdos and we can enjoy our company.

My wonderful mentor persuaded me not to completely give up on holidays. I can simply make a brief appearance and leave when I want to, or extend my stay if I'm comfortable. This is my way of making my holiday kind of manageable.

I then was reminded of something from a cartoon I drew when I was a teenager and I'd go to the gatherings of my step-father's family. I wasn't particularly fond of going to them, but his family started treating me more like a grown-up in the last 2 years of my mother's marriage to him. I wasn't sure what my step-father was telling them about me (we used to argue at times and I imagined he painted me as an awful kid), but regardless, they were genuinely interested in what I was up to and also with talking to me. I still ate at the kids' table, but it was nice talking to them.

It reminds me that dynamics can change to 'eh' to 'hey!'

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