Cafe Hitch-hike

2023-10-14

The pace of things

Embrace the change, I whisper to myself. I remind myself that transitions often feel clumsy and lumbering to me.

I realize the new, temp position is really taking a lot out of me. I’m not sure I like what it’s doing to me with the weird rashes, the anxiety flare ups, and the shallow sleep I get on weekdays. I’m also learning that I really need to stop taking things personally or to heart, and that people are ultimately responsible for their own reactions to things.

It’s also the pace of things. My right hand man told me things hadn’t been this way at all until the summer, and so do my colleagues. I can see in the looks on their faces that they are also struggling with the curve balls being thrown our way. When I started going to the team meetings of the building GPs, they were friendly and we’d jest a little at the beginning. We don’t do that any more. We just stomp right to business because we never cover all the things we wanted to.

Even one of our most happy and even-keeled people said something about the pace of things.

I had to advise a colleague/ employee on a matter. It wasn’t firing, but a heads-up that they needed to start thinking about how they were going to address their frequent lateness and early departures.

Their boss complained about all of that to me but never said anything directly to them. Since their boss is away for the week, I gave the employee a heads up so they can start thinking about options (and at least were given a heads up). I advised their boss to discuss these when they come back and for them to have a plan in November.

OMG, and their boss. There’s some things in the works about that one. I will advise my higher-ups to give the person a chance to improve their lackluster performance for what is supposed to be the largest part of their assignment. I doubt the person can attain redemption because they’ll be too busy freaking out and would actually have to do the work on their own. At least they’d be given a chance and their unit would see their boss was given a chance to improve.

Well…. early on, I advised them to keep their attitude in check if they wanted to stay on the good side of things because our big, big bosses always notice attitudes and performance. Their performance was noticed, but the stink they raised about some things they were asked to do got more attention. That’s where I came up with the ‘I am not responsible for their actions’ clause. This person was given fair warning and they chose not to follow it.

Oh, yeah…. Through a conversation this week, I saw I was able to successfully keep the higher-ups from making at least 2 decisions that would had really angered our employees more than they already are. Go me, not too shabby for a rookie. Hopefully the streak can continue, and the issue about the tardy employee and the lackluster boss can be successfully resolved.

So, in short, I think I’m ok for this type of temp job I’ve taken on. It’s just that I get to do it during an already challenging time in the building. I kinda figured I would inherit some personnel matters. I’m not a placeholder. If anything, I get to reinforce the new standards and expectations and that can be scary for me and the employees. The other awkward part is lots of areas were in a state of neglect, and I’m one of the folks who are supposed to reverse that (and to get the employees to do their part) after a long time.

I affirm to myself over and over again that I haven’t done anything illegal, unethical, immoral, or would embarrass the building. I’m just trying to let the anxiety not take over.

I want my freedom and my humor back. I sure miss it. I hope this seriousness spell doesn’t last too much longer! I was invited to go see a band play a private show in the rural part of the county. II don’t really care for the band, but I’ll go just to get out and dance. Avery also wants to dance and a pasture would be the perfect place so it will give him all the space he needs to dance. Tall people kind of dance funny anyhow. I know I do, my curves just make it watchable.

I feel better nowadays when I don’t smoke cannabis and that kinda bums me out. Alcohol is nice, but I feel usually terrible the next morning. Hopefully for tonight, music is a safe place to get lost for a while and under the moonless sky.

downwind | upstream