Cafe Hitch-hike

2021-11-29

It was a strange dynamic all around.

I met the energy working group in May. It covered topics I was very interested in, and at first I thought it was nice to meet like-minded people. However, some of its teachings never really settled in me. Maybe it was stuff going on in my life or in the world around me, or maybe it was the synergy of the group's individuals. It probably was a combination of all the above. I thought that if I worked with the energy more, I'd get more comfortable with it, but that never happened.

I tried to tell myself that I felt uncomfortable because of the various turbulences going on. Maybe I was learning too much too soon? Even backing off didn't help. Then, we got notice of the third of 5 workshops we were to attend. I really didn't have it in me to go, and I felt very disoriented with the energy. I finally told M., one of the people I got to know in the group, that I wanted to bow out. I also talked to the workshop facilitator about it and we reached an understanding about my decision.

Soonafter, M. told me about all this intrigue within the group leadership. I thought maybe that was why I felt so weird but as it turned out, it went deeper than that. I guess there was some catfighting within the group itself and some friendships ended because of it.

I noticed that in past energy work, yoga, meditation, or kind of new-agey groups, an element of secrecy or reserve was usually present. People didn't say much about how they worked with things, but we'd get together to do them and learn more. I think I now see why. A broad range of people are attracted to these things and they bring their broad range of beliefs. They keep them to themselves for the sake of keeping order within the group.

Some of the beliefs I heard about in this particular group were even a bit out there for me. Possible, yes, and even speculative, but they had some out-there beliefs. I visited one group member's home for a gathering and she showed me a bizarre book that covered an awful lot of conspiracy theory fodder, and I couldn't even get myself to skim a second page.

All of the people who were attracted the group already did a lot of energy work. They were intuitives, empaths, and people who worked with plant medicines. Many of them were in service or healthcare jobs, and as I got to know them, I saw how much they scrambled from learning about one modality after another and with an intensity that really surprised me. I'm going to guess we all carried heavy wounds and wanted very badly to heal them.

The demise of this group and the workshop really got me thinking. Maybe sometimes we get in our own damn way after a certain point. Maybe we need to stop with striving to cure our ailments long enough to see what is really what, and figure out what to do from that point, if anything at all. Maybe some of our wounds cannot be erased, but soothed enough, healed and lived with. Maybe the concept of grace has a part to play, especially after we've tried everything we possibly could to reach a desired point of wellness or equilibrium.

A core of it were women who attended classes at another local shop, and apparently they all interacted with each other a lot more where they didn't before because of the workshop. They also chattered a lot about the intrigue at the other local shop; that should had been a clue, hah. All of the women were very intense and with strong personalities (gee, and what's that saying, 'birds of a feather?'). I felt a little sad that the group made this turn, but maybe there was way too much volatile energy in the mix. It was a strange dynamic all around. I'm curious about what I had contributed to the group, but I feel like this is another experiment I tried as long as I could.

I do actually feel better and more grounded since I've stepped away.

downwind | upstream