Cafe Hitch-hike

2021-12-01

I didn't say anything

I am sorry I didn't do anything when my former roommate beat up his girlfriend 8 years ago. I heard them fight in the next room: I heard someone hit the wall and then I heard their son cry. I heard some muffled shouting. I didn't stick up for her. I didn't call the police. I put in ear plugs and took a sleeping pill, but the county sheriff came to our house and arrested the roommate. I didn't do anything because I assumed they'd be back together the next day or later in the week because they were always on and off again.

I knew the roommate was all about himself and I knew his true colors within 10 days I lived with him. I knew they used to argue a lot. Sometimes they did appear to be a kind and loving family together (they had a son), they then would be apart and hating each other. One day, I saw he had some scratch marks next to his eye. I knew they had an argument, but all I could do was act like I didn't see it.

I later saw the pictures from the night he got arrested. He gave her a black eye, a very puffy lip, and she had some puffy marks on 3 different parts of her face.

I was subpoenaed to testify in court, and I told them exactly what I heard and saw. But, it was largely discredited because I didn't see anything directly. It was all a fucking joke anyhow. The defendant (my former roommate) audibly said I was lying during my testimony and the judge said nothing. The jury was full of men who were around his age, and I'm sure they all had their share of bad baby mommas and relationships with women. I had a feeling he was going to walk (and he did).

I didn't say anything because my mother was in the same situation over and over again. We often had to evacuate our own damn house because of the abuse. She always ended up back with the men who abused her. One of my sisters hissed that one of these days, she and her boyfriend would end up killing each other. Someone asked what their relationship was like, and I muttered, "likely to end up as a murder-suicide," without exaggerating.

I saw my aunt get the crap smacked out of her at my 17th birthday party. We couldn't do or say anything or else my uncle would come after us next. We've seen many spats with someone ending up with marks, scratches, or bruises of some sort but we were always told to stay out of it, so we did. I learned at age 5 not to ask questions whenever my stepfather (or other male relative) destroyed something like a window, wall, or something in the house. My stepfather kicked my kitten out of our second-floor apartment when I was 4 years old because she grabbed his ankle (and he was wearing boots). I saw the torn screen door, and no more kitten, and the look out of his gray-blue eyes told me not to say a damn thing.

I was 15 when I was babysitting some kids overnight, and the woman who lived in the unit above got beat badly. I could hear her cries and someone falling all over the house; she seemed to be dragged all over the house. When the police came over, I heard him plainly say they couldn't do anything about it because legally they were still married and the husband was considered a resident.

I didn't say anything because I saw over and over again that whoever was abused was powerless. They couldn't defend themselves, others wouldn't defend them, and the LE usually didn't. A bystander could also get punished, maybe just as badly or worse than the initial victim, or get eight-balled from a family or group.

I didn't say anything about the abuse I faced as a child because I knew no one would do anything. I never said anything I knew about the abuse others had for the same reasons. I didn't say anything about my male relatives because they could never do any wrong, or at least face some sort of consequence; if anything, my mom always was there to soothe them after their rowes.

Is there no right or wrong way to do this? If I tell a friend who's being abused to leave, she may very well hate me for it. Of course, there's things I just don't understand about their relationship and how wonderful the abuser usually is! They may end up back together anyway. It's like I learned to shut my fucking mouth, mind my own business, and look the other way.

I'm sorry I didn't say anything about my former roommate's girlfriend, but what else could I had done? What else can I still do?

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