Cafe Hitch-hike

2022-01-14

That's where we are, or at least I am.

I'm sipping pisco sours on this cool night. No one wants to go out because either everyone caught the plague or those who didn't are avoiding it.

Pisco sour has become a bit of a celebratory drink for me. I discovered it at a food festival a few years back. At the end of that night, I found myself on a party bus that was set up for a demo with its dance floor, disco lights, full bar, and stripper poles. Rafael and I went into it and only the DJ was in it, so I started playing around with the stripper poll. I didn't have agility, strength or coordination to do anything complicated. Instead, I did Chris Farley kind of moves along with swim strokes and twirling the bar with simple moves I remembered as a kid on the playground.

I was totally goofing around, but others noticed and joined in with dancing and laughing. I vaguely remember ending that by giving Rafa a goofy lap dance. I was anything but serious and wasn't even trying to be sexy (that was actually the fun part), yet he happily sat back and enjoyed my pisco-induced bravado. I still laugh about that!

I chatted with my friend CO the German through video conferencing on the last day of work in 2020. I made some pisco sours and got blazed. I did the same thing a year later with Mari; I demonstrated how I made the drink and proceeded to drink at least 2 while we chatted for 2 hours or so.

Am I celebrating anything now? I guess I'm simply celebrating possibilities. I decided to apply for another damn job. As demoralized as I felt about work since the pandemic, about the outlook for my profession, and also that for my building and institution, I actually felt a tad bit proud of my accomplishments and improvements as I revised my resume. I'd like to think I could do something with all that knowledge and experience. So, I'll drink to that!

Then, I guess the energy workers are sensing some weird stuff with the full moon in a few days. This ought to be interesting. I guess I could celebrate to beginnings, endings, and things that start again but maybe in a different or new form.

Beginnings, endings, and things that start again or rebirth. I'm still digesting last weekend's conversation, too. There were things I felt about the relationship when it started in 2016 and the following year plus some months.

I guess no one tells you that when you're in love, you may get frightened. Everything opens up, including the parts that were hidden so well, even from ourselves. The crap we've ran from catches up and we can't run fast enough from it. I can't believe it took me years to realize that.

It wasn't just me, it was also quite similar to him. Some relationships can really challenge the hell out of our assumptions and the way we thought things were supposed to be. Then, the things that needed to move forward but we wouldn't touch... well sometimes a partner's presence and what they bring or bring out make us move all of that even if we're kicking and screaming. We brought things out in each other that we couldn't on our own, including things we didn't want to face or only wanted to run from.

We say love is a great redeemer and healer. Yeah, maybe we just weren't told it didn't only work through bliss, infatuation, and other tricks of our neurotransmitters or other acts of body chemistry.

Don't get me wrong, there was and still is a lot of love between Rafa and I. The relationship was not complete toil or mutual reminders of our shortcomings. I'll never forget saying on these pages that I was very grateful for the times I had with him and that he and those times were very special. In a way, we were better when we were with each other. But, this is one of the rare times when a person comes along and has this effect while at the same time, bringing a lot of warmth, care, and in Rafa's case, adventure. Oh, we had lots of those! It was and is just one of those things. I hope that makes sense. That's where we are, or at least I am.

downwind | upstream