Cafe Hitch-hike

2022-03-13

My improvements

The pain has diminished nicely along with the swelling on my right side. I do look tired and I feel that way. When I lay down, my body has no problem accepting the rest. Yeah, recovering from having 2 hernia repairs also diminished my fidgety nature. Something tells me I'll be resting a lot this week, but as long as most of the pain is gone and I heal fully, I'll have no problem with that.

I must eat regularly, even if it it's small and I don't have an appetite. If I don't, my body won't be pleased at all and I feel weak. I could usually skip meals but nooooo, nutrition is essential. I made R. a western omelet this morning and I made myself foccascia. My plate was smaller (he tends to be a hearty eater) but he understood. Food actually tastes better, too.

My dreams have been vivid. In many of my dreams I walk through things and observe but really aren't a part of them. I am in a limited way. Before I woke up, I asked myself what kind of dreams I'd rather have and be a part of? Why am I always walking through?

R. stayed with me for 5 days and I got used to it. We haven't done anything like this. His mother was not well and required constant care the last 2 years of her life, but he said it was different with me. He watched her go downhill while he noticed my improvements in pain and how I felt... I could see his concern and that he just wanted to do something, anything.

I watered my plants, took out the dog and basic things around the house and I just wanted to. I didn't realize I'm like a steady wind, hahah, when it comes to my house upkeep. I also didn't realize how much energy it took. Creatures of habit, I suppose, but being able to do those things with less pain every day assured me I was healing.

There's so much more all this made me think of. I can write about it this week as I rest and let my right side go back to normal.

Julian. He was a professor I knew who was a founder of an office where I worked as a student. He suffered from a neurological disease at the end of his life and at one point, I wondered how he was doing.

Over a weekend, I had a dream I sat in a hospital hallway. Julian was on a stretcher and passing by me. I stood up and called him, I asked how he was doing.

"Don't worry about me," he said calmly, "I'm going to be all right."

When I returned to work that week, Julian's family announced he had died over the weekend. I was startled and told our secretary who believed me. I was surprised when I faced the office head a half hour later. He heard the conversation and I kind of thought he believed me, too.

I can't help but wonder if it was random neural firings while under I was under anesthesia, or if he came back to me. R. asked if I remembered our conversation and I said I did not. There's a mystery I wouldn't mind getting solved.

downwind | upstream