Cafe Hitch-hike

2022-04-04

OK news

OK News: I talked with an advisor from a training program. I've been waffling on getting retrained for the past 4 years now. I had 2 relatively viable options but declined. I actually feel ok with this option, provided we can withstand the next social, political, or ecological disruption that may or may not come our way (hah). She was already trying to talk me into going into the, uh, Cadillac version of the program. It's highly unlikely I'll do that unless at some point I'm compelled. The bigger issue is I need to be retrained and reposition into another profession. Mine is going the way moving type and presses.

Not OK News: My bro Deebo and cousin Drew need to move out of their farmhouse in 30 days. Their landlady really took a financial beating during covid, was selling some of her properties, and could get their unit for double its initial value. I felt sad for them because they finally got themselves a real house (at least I thought), but...

...our sis Bre said she was glad they were moving on. She didn't like the house because it was infested with roaches and apparently had a rodent problem. She described other things wrong with it. The guys lived on what used to be a low-lying, flat strawberry field and I noticed it was vulnerable to flooding. Their house (and the attached double wide trailer they used as their game room) was elevated on concrete blocks. I noticed at the last Thanksgiving gathering that their floor was buckling in a couple of spot.

Most of our family usually settled for 'good enough' housing. I was surprised Bre admitted she didn't like Deebo's place and she'd actually say their 'good enough' wasn't very good. At least someone else in the family is kind of saying, 'we can do a little better than that, we can ask for, work for and get a little more.'

...I finally had one deep cry on Sunday. Rafael didn't hurt me, but he rubbed my pregnant-looking belly quite gently and I cried. It didn't hurt and I assured him he didn't hurt me. It was a dulled, hardened sensation rise from my lower belly, but I didn't want him to stop. He rubbed and held me as I cried.

I sat with the dullness and soon felt my fear about the surgery and my recovery, and the frustration of not knowing how long recovery would take (or even if I would have a full recovery). I sure hoped the damn preggo belly would not be permanent; at least Rafa assured me I was beautiful, and 2 of the surgical incisions on my midrift were mostly healed with 1 more to go. I was also very frustrated with the tiredness and being ruled by my body; if I get slightly dehydrated or hungry, my body expresses much displeasure. Like a pregnancy, my body is calling all the shots and I'm not digging it at all.

I looked at my midrift with its 2 pink, elevated and irregular spots and the one remaining oval scab. Remy had spots on his belly from one of his leukemia surgeries. Carlo has an incision scar from under his nipple all the way to his hip, from a cancer surgery in the early 1990s. I remembered being in public swimming areas with both. Everyone noticed those scars, but Remy and Carlo had full possession of theirs and treated them like any other part of their body. Mine was nowhere near as noticeable, but those were my mini ones. I suppose I'll be treating mine (and ones I may acquire) all the same someday.

More Not OK News: My friend Carlo wanted to be sure he had the correct spelling of my name so it can be added to some of his end-of-life documentation. I'd suppose I wasn't as shocked since Uncle Joe and I had a similar conversation, and I'm sure I chucked away any feelings and replaced them with a still denial. He hadn't been well for quite some time and I noticed his recent complaints. He said he was considering stopping treatment because he felt it was making him feel worse, and the pain was getting so bad that he couldn't walk for more than 3 minutes without being overwhelmed. He said he didn't want his quality of life to be where he'd stay in bed all day and go from appointment to appointment. I'd hate to say this, but I'm inclined to agree with him for the sake of his quality of life. I actually felt the same about Remy 5 years ago, and even my grandmother a year after that.

I know he'd love for me to visit, but his area is getting bad for covid cases and he'd not want me to risk it. I'd love to visit, and felt bad enough about not visiting Christmas (thank you, Omnicron) and forgetting his birthday since it was after my surgery. I just wish there was something I could do than video chat with the crappy wi-fi in his complex.

Really OK News: Spent time with Rafael after he returned from Colombia. He gave me some yummy cacao bars as souvenirs. We watched Soul with Jamie Foxx over the weekend and we both loved it. I cheered when I learned its pianist, Jon Batiste, was from the New Orleans region. Oh, how I love their musical history and visiting. I always get excited when someone from a place I love gets kudos or reaches success!

...Miss Marley dens next to my bed, so she's enjoying the new dog bed I got for her. Sometimes she doesn't even want to get on my bed because she likes her nest.

...My sis Bre and I finalized some plans for some gatherings. I had to laugh because I made some plans and reservations, but she suggested I change them. I got kind of lazy and didn't, and it turned out ok because my initial ones worked out better anyway. Haaaah! But, I like how much my sisters and Mom are so happy when we plan gatherings. I see a joy I usually didn't among them.

...I feel tired enough to watch a TV show, nibble on the cacao Rafa left me, and call it a productive if not reasonably tiring day.

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