Cafe Hitch-hike

2022-04-18

Journeys with that youngster

I hadn't talked to my niece in a while, so I sent her a message to wish her a happy Easter. Rafael and I went to a local diner that had family pictures on their wall. We sat under a picture of a little girl mixing in a bowl and with a big smile, and she looked so much like my niece Bailey! I had seen that picture 2 years ago and sent it to her, but this time for Easter, I put springtime stickers on it with a a garland of flowers on her head; butterflies, a sun, and flowers in the background; and a little pink heart on the center of her t-shirt! I wanted to draw bunny ears but it didn't look right. I trimmed the photo so it looked like a Polaroid with the space under a square picture, and I wrote in purple font: Happy Easter, Bailey Bunny! Love, Auntie!

Bailey called me back, and we were finally able to touch base this evening. She started calling me and sending me messages since December 2019, the last time I had seen her, and we spoke very regularly during the pandemic. It's always nice to talk to her, see how she sees the world, and to hear her humor. Today, she told me her older sister (age 17) has a boyfriend and will be going to prom with him. B. said she caught them kissing in the backyard but ducked out and came back when they were done. B. said it was gross and I laughed a little.

Bailey asked if I had a boyfriend and I told her I did. She had known for a while and remembered Rafael from when we went to her place for Christmas 2016. She was only 5, but I think I know why she remembered...

...Rafa and I, uh, had some fun while we visited. I assured him we could be quiet and discreet (we were), but before things went further, Rafa locked the bedroom door and shoved our suitcases in front of it. We then reassembled ourselves and Rafa got up to go the bathroom. When he moved the suitcase and opened the door, Bailey tipped into the room while she sat cross-legged against the door. Rafa quickly contained his surprise and looked at me like, 'see, I warned you!'

I'd never expose a kid to something they're too young or immature to see, but the door was very locked and we were discrete. We could had easily been sleeping. I also remembered we eavesdropped as kids (at least when it was interesting for us rather than gross) and she probably did the same before. I wrote it off as a kid being curious. She actually smiled and giggled a hello when Rafa opened the door. I kind of laughed inside, though I understood where he was coming from...

So I suppose that was why she remembered me with Rafa.

The relationship I've had with Bailey has been more steady than it has been for most of my nieces and nephews. I think of the one I had with Uncle Joe, and it's like we kind of picked each other. Did that happen with us? When she was a baby and I was visiting for Christmas, her mom had to run a quick errand and I watched her. B. and I were both dressed in Christmas red. She had a little red band and ribbon on her head (she was bald, like her mother and I were) and I wore a Santa hat. I took a pretty picture of her with the Christmas presents in the background, and she looked straight into the camera with her mouth a little open. She just about reminded me of the classic Gerber baby but with brown eyes. The next one was us together in a selfie, and we both smiled! I posted that on social media and said, 'My niece and I. Bailey is the world's coolest baby.' Yeah, she seemed pretty cool to me at age 7 months! Did we pick each other then?

I remember when I brought Marley the mini-dachshund for a visit, Bailey was 3 or 4 and couldn't take her eyes off her. B. followed her everywhere! About a year or 2 later, her mother fostered and then adopted a black lab puppy, and Bailey and the dog were very much attached. She'd lay her head on the dog's belly, and Bella the dog looked very content and like a caring canine nanny. B. loves all kinds of animals and especially their recent adoption, a Maine coon cat named Oatmeal. After the adoption, I saw Oatmeal nestled against B. while we chatted.

"Did Oatmeal pick you to be her favorite human?" I asked my niece. We think the cat did.

As she gets older, Bailey does ask me a lot of questions about life and shares her own thoughts about things. I remembered that I liked doing that with some of my aunts and uncles because I was able to speak more freely (and felt like I had more attention), and it's really something to sit on the opposite side of that interaction. On the flip side, I actually like telling her about possibilities for when she gets older, not to scare her but so she can see the as real possibilities for herself, like college, working, going to new places, making new friends, and even what it's like to handle feelings and life (but, at her level).

She once admitted she still feels fright from an accident she had when she was 6. I told her that people sometimes feel that way afterward, and even for a long time. I thought about the many conversations I had with her parents and what I knew about their lives. I even said her parents had at least 1 similar thing happen to them. It was partly so she could see her parents were also regular like her and also that she wasn't alone with those feelings.

I told Bailey about the niece of mine who died (not as much as I've written here, but that it happened). She called me a couple of times when I was out with Huck and I briefly showed we were enjoying good food, company, and outings (which I know others in her family do). We've talked about fear and what we do when we feel afraid. Bailey has a comfort blanket she's had since she was a baby called Blankie, and now I have one, too.

Then, I had to laugh again when she was upset she got kicked out of sleeping in her parents' bedroom after her mother recovered from a surgery. She was upset that they close the door and lock it. A part of me definitely felt for her, but a part of me felt she needed to understand something simple about her parents.

Without saying too much, I asked if her if she likes to be only with her friends sometimes and not with grown-ups. She said yes. I explained that sometimes her parents just want to be with each other for a little while, but it's never forever, kind of like how she has to get back to her parents and family after spending time with friends. I also kind of had to laugh (again) inside; I can imagine her parents had some making up to do. I also assured Bailey that if something really bad happened like a fire or tornado, she can easily knock on the door or call them because they wouldn't be far away.

Life, I guess that's what I hope to do, show my niece a little about life and bit by bit. It's kind of fun to be with this youngster (as my Uncle Bert used to call us) on this journey and look forward to more to come.

downwind | upstream