Cafe Hitch-hike

2023-03-14

Something(s) new

It’s easy to say that the days can be a blur at work. I was so lucky to had flown under the radar since covid and the lockdowns, but that hasn’t been the case since the project from hell last year. I was asked to coordinate the hiring of some people, which means making sure the ‘t’s are crossed and the ‘i’s dotted or else we’ll have to do it all over again. The process looks all right so far, I’ve never had this much responsibility with it, and I haven’t received any complaints or got my hands smacked. I’m also surprised that a few of my own projects are starting to see their light at the end of the tunnel.

I have to remind myself why I decided to get retrained. Oh, yeah. It’s cos I think I can apply my mental and emotional energy into something more rewarding. We have only 6 more weeks until the class with Prof. I(nsano) concludes and I bet everyone in that class is gonna drop out of the program, bahahah. It felt like my damn spare time was ruled by the assignments and readings. When spring break came, I relished it as much as any co-ed. I dragged Avery to the beach, a bar, and a dance, and yes, had a fair share of alcohol (and it weirdly felt. so. good).

Meanwhile, I’m reading some interesting stuff on chaos theory and what that means in a political/ social atmosphere. This sh*t may come in handy to know when the world gets another major disruption.

It may come in handy with the weirdness happening in my state of Florida. Our political overlords are hell-bent on whitewashing knowledge, history, and books. Just search for new or proposed Florida laws on books in schools, education of all levels, and DEI and you’ll wonder WTF is wrong with this place; it’s what my colleagues from around the US have been asking me for quite some time. After all, the powers that be decriminalized driving cars into protesters while it limited the ability to protest. I wish I was delusional about this or exaggerating, but I’m not. We’re as bad as Texas but a different kind of bad.

(Speaking of disruption) My coven meets every so often (ok, women’s spirit group) online. We were talking about some heavy energies that are in the air now. I remember we had a talk about all of this in December 2019, the astrologers in the group unanimously agreed some serious heavy energies were at work; I saved the chat and was amazed how spot-on their insights ended up being. Even those who didn’t know astrology agreed with their interpretation of the energy, and then the world got a pandemic. The ladies felt that way again, but it’s easy to feel that way after everything that has happened. But, yeah, there’s definitely some funky stuff in the air (search for “Pluto in Aquarius astrology” on the internet if you’re interested; the Americans just had its Pluto return).

The group has been really something these past 2 months with reaching out and checking in with each other. Its interaction levels ebb and flow, and for a long time it was really low. The meeting we had last week was (to describe my favorite place) again like sitting by a warm campfire in the dark with friends.

I wonder how that energy translates to my personal life. So I’m doing a slow pivoting of my career/ livelihood into another direction. I was relieved of a very serious commitment. My dog died (bless her sweet little soul), I caught covid (I still have cough and respiratory issues), and Avery the guy from the pool and I started our romance at the same time.

Av…. I think I said there’s so much I think and feel about the guy and about us. He’s been pretty open to me about a lot just as I am with him. I guess we’ve earned our stripes, have some mileage, and bla bla blah, but what if it’s just better to care about each other instead? We’re just 2 people with something to give, and so far it feels comfortable. We still have our lives, but we have something nice together.

I had to really get on him to give me my space; if he had his way, I’d be living in his place yesterday, but I said stuff like that is not a good idea this early on. He seems very ok with that. Heck, last Friday my friend Ali crashed at my house while her husband was away on a fishing tournament, and Avery was out with Tex cos Tex was having a bad week. When we came back, we were relaxed from the time from our friends, refreshed from it, and almost reset to spent time together.

I can’t decide if I want to spend this expanded hour of daylight into taking a walk, read more for class, or what. Av’s sister is in town for some family matters (they are close), so I have time to myself.

Disruption, disruption. Maybe that is what helps me see things differently, and some things mean more to me while other things means a lot, lot less. I can’t or don’t want to cry about certain things any more. If anything, I only want to dance this dance, sing my songs, and just live in this one time and space that I’ll never get back. What’s in my head is one thing, but other than that, my life is rather stable and things are doing fine. I guess if I want any assurance about how I’d handle disruptions, I’ve had enough of it to sense how I’d be and thanks to my assigned readings, something new will eventually come out of it all.

downwind | upstream